heebie jeebies

mummy? does this give you the the heebie jeebies?

squealed little P this morning mid executing a near perfect split down 3 concrete spiralling stairs with her little 4 year old legs.

whoa!

I’m holding on! - she pronounces proudly - she knows my edges.

She was indeed holding on to the yellow climbing rope banister that spirals to our front door - as much in place for my dear dad as her.

It does give me the heebie jeebies Peggy and [quick turn around!] it’s great you are so brave.

I genuinely love that she meets the world like a playground - and that she pushes at the edges of my fears.

come on love - I overtake her on the stairs -

wait mummy! watch this - is this a fancy trick?! - I turn round to see her as she jumps hands free down the next concrete step.

Oh yikes! - as I try not to visibly flinch - imagining her careering head first down the next 8 steps into the broken and bleeding bundle!

That gives me the heebie jeebies, yes - and I can see how much joy it’s giving you.

Watch this mum! - oh cricky . . .

//

I understand my parents better - as I watch my daughter grow. I try not to let my heebie jeebies become what she holds on to - to give her enough support for her to want to take leaps and risk - to be the author of her own edges - and it pushes at mine.

//

She is poised - ready to launch herself off the last 3 steps into the garden. I watch as she tests her grit. She’s psyched, I’m tempted to shout - watch you don’t fall over your dress, remember to bend your knees . . . I hold my tongue, let go my fear and watch her fly -

Weeeeeeeee! A seemingly perfect landing which she walks away from slowly.

You ok love?

I hurt my feet.

Huh? Did you land with a bit of a wallop?

Yeah. - we take each others hands.

Did you give yourself the heebie jeebies?!

Yes - she’s laughing. We both are.

It was a great jump, P.

Did you see it mummy? Did you really?

Yes love. - and I felt my tummy jump too!